The Elephant in the Room

‘The Elephant in the Room.’

A very common phrase.

“Lets talk about the elephant in the room, that no one is talking about.” 

How often have we heard this phrase being used in novels, plays, films?

But in real life?

Almost close to never.

Because it’s hard.

The elephant is in the room, because it holds and contains unprocessed upsets, triggering, and provocative emotions. 

It contains past hurts, barbs, and snides. 

It holds space for all the slander that has been hurled in the past, overtly or covertly, by each member in that room, to each other. 

If we were to talk about that ‘elephant,’ all of this would come gurgling out and swamp the breath that enables the people to talk to each other in the room in a courteous, civilized manner. 

The conversation would escalate into a slanging match, where noone would be listening to each other. Polarized position would get hardened. New upsets would germinate like mushrooms. Blame games would erupt. And then there would be exits, breakdowns, silences. 

Tenuous threads of love, trust, bonding, sharing would take a hard hit, with everyone in the room receding to their corners, to nurture their wounds and upsets, and the elephant in the room would end up becoming bigger and stronger and more visibly invisible. 

Time, maybe, will play a role, for each in the room to forgive and forget and come together again into civilized conversations. 

Come together, not to talk about the elephant in the room, but just to arrive at a point where you are able to skirt around the elephant and pretend there is nothing bothersome there. 

But even for this, the question remains, who will be the bigger person. Who will take the first step, and bow down, who will herd the flock together again. 

Unless

The people in the room have the maturity and courage to stay, lend a listening ear, and possess the power to hear everything that is being said without reacting. When they respond not from the baggage of old and new upsets, but actually from what they are hearing in the room. Amidst the loss of trust, the feeling of betrayal, the lack of psychological safety, they can still be present and receive. 

Only if the people in the room can rise beyond avoidance and exits and take back the power of holding and containing all the baggage of broken emotions, before it gets thrust into the belly of the elephant, yet once again. 

Only if the people have the strength to show up and be present. 

For everyone in the room. Not just a select few. 

Only if.

Today, I understand the relevance of Lord Ganesha.